


Tight Rope Pulled Tight

by VeePASTA



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, No Smut, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-07-10 16:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15952748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeePASTA/pseuds/VeePASTA
Summary: If Keith just didn't love Lance the way Lance did why did he force himself into this relationship. Why make it easier for Kieth to suffer? Lance knew that Keith, and his shaggy mullet, knew that Lance loved him. Keith's lack of reciprocated feelings were so freakin obvious he could feel it in his bones. God why did it have to be this way...





	1. Chapter 1

Lance knew that Keith, and his shaggy mullet, knew that Lance loved him. Keith's lack of reciprocated feelings were so freakin obvious he could feel it in his bones. Lance knew that when Keith wanted them to start dating it was to ease the awkward tension that they had been building between them. Keith probably thought he could do the whole fake it till he makes it schtick. In this case, the fake it, was to pretend to love Lance until Keith could convince himself that he actually truly did. It was also obvious that Lance was a wee bit wrong about how he knew that Keith just didn’t love him back. Maybe it was a series of reasons that he just wanted to ignore cause who needs that crap on your mind. Maybe it was because of Keith’s lack of affection. Lance knew that Keith isn't normally a touchy-feely kind of guy, to begin with, but you'd think that if Keith truly felt something for Lance he'd let his touches linger longer then they needed to. Maybe an unconscious squeeze, the unnoticed leaning into Lance’s side, their fingers interlocking under the table at dinner, but of course none of this happened. Maybe another sign was when Lance would go in for a simple peck on the cheek and Keith would somehow manage to seemingly flawlessly, dodge them claiming there was a bug or how he didn't wash his face and that Lance only deserved the best of Keith, or some other sappy line to stop him. The most obvious of all though was the day Lance told Keith that he loved him. He could see the guilt Keith had been feeling, race across his damned perfect eyes. How Keith dodged replying like he dodged his kisses. That was the true moment Lance knew that Keith didn't feel the same way. Sure he knew that Keith did care for him, who would go through all this trouble for someone they didn't care about? He knew they were truly friends maybe best of friends but they couldn't truly be lovers especially when Keith didn't love, or want him, that way. It hurt. The way it tore at his heart. It hurt that Keith wouldn't love him the way Lance did. That they couldn't possibly last long before their relationship became toxic, and he knew that when they crossed that line Lance would cling on till Keith cut that rope himself. Letting Lance drop, and letting Lance see the euphoria of being freed, from the extra weight on his psyche, dance across Keith’s impeccable eyes. Despite knowing this little damned fact Lance couldn't, and wouldn’t let Keith go. As time went on even Lance’s own love, turned against him and, changed into something that would drive him mad. His love that made him feel like he was on cloud nine sent him down crashing down with the weight of the world for not letting. Holding on as tight as he was, wondering what was so unlovable about himself that Keith’s fake it till he makes it plan wasn't working. Despite knowing that's not how love worked it made him think about the things that weren't true, but his now crumbling heart made him accept as so. Having thoughts about what he was possibly doing wrong was constantly flitting around in his quaking brain. His own psyche tearing him up from the inside; adding to the destruction his own self cannibalizing heart left in its wake; spreading to the depths of his mind. Thoughts slowly yet ever so quickly changed and transformed themselves from what could he be doing wrong, to what he thinks he's definitely doing wrong. Maybe he was too clingy so he stopped the touching. Stopped pecking or at least what would be an attempt to peck his cheek. Stopped reaching for Keith's hand. Making sure to watch himself just so he didn't enter Keith's bubble on accident. While always watching Keith's every move and change in emotion to see if it would make Keith “love” him more. Yet, despite his desperation, nothing changed so he moved on to another possible “solution”. Coming to the conclusion that he was just too much of anything so he stopped making unnecessary noises altogether “knowing” that this one of the reasons Keith isn't in love with him. Stopped asking Keith to go on dates, stopped texting or calling Keith to ask about his day. Just stopped being… well Lance. Hoping this would work to “correct” Keith’s lack of love just in case that maybe, just maybe, it would work. Lance knew he was being stupid and so damned wishful. In full awareness of the fact this isn't how the heart worked. That no matter what he did Keith wouldn't want him anymore then he did now, and that this was a lost cause. Yet, he kept twisting himself round and round in hopes he might shape himself into something Keith would want, something Keith would love. Lance continued on spiraling down into the depths of his own heart...until thinking that maybe it was his own “physical” features and came to the conclusion that maybe he was quite possibly so displeasing to the eye that Keith even thought he was ugly, because to Lance that's the only possible reason as to why the damned chemicals in Keith's brain wasn't reacting the way Lance thought they would. He couldn't help but think that it was Lance’s fault, even though the heart doesn't work this way. But he kept thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. The tugging in his head was beginning to be unbearable. He didn't understand what was changing. Changing? Was he changing? Maybe collapsing. Falling? He was angry from what his thoughts were telling him. Mad at himself. Mad at himself for! For?...yeah... he chose this. It became his fault when he said,”yes”. The second he said, ”yes” to Keith it became his fault. Lance’s fault for holding on so tightly subconsciously knowing that if he kept blaming himself he would only fall deeper into insanity. It was like his brain was torn in two. He couldn't figure out what was going on when one side pulled and worked and then the other side pulled a little more trying to work too. Like they weren't working together or weren't whole anymore. But whatever happened Lance came to the conclusion that he was should be angry at Keith too for letting himself suffer like this for Lance’s sake. Why? Why would he do this for Lance? But just like that. Thoughts of being MAD at Keith vanished, and everything came into focus. He finally looked around and Keith was...was gone? When? He left to go on trip? Mission? Mom’s? How long? How long he would take to come back? Was he gone for good? How long has it been? He can't? Can't figure it out...how long? He...did Keith finally cut him off? Was he done? HE... LEFT? Lance knew this is what needed to happen but it was like something snapped! Something pulling pulling pullING PULLING PULLING TUGGING AND RIPPING! IT HURTS! WHY WHY WHY! He he he he HeHeHeHeHeHe...he left...gone...he wanted this didn't he? Lance wanted Keith to leave? To save himself? Lance whirled around spinning round and round. Lance couldn't tell up from down. There was yelling from all sides! It was too Loud! Yelling and screaming coming from everywhere, and it hit him all at once...and like it was all inside his head it…it...silenced? Quiet? No no. It wasn't quiet just less noisy. Noisy? Was he being loud? The voices in your head don't get loud right? Just take up space. Space...where was he? There's to much room? Was it room? Space? Room? Space... Void? Emptiness? It was too quiet, and wet? Lance couldn't figure it out? Was he crying? Maybe Lance was sweating? Blanket. He should take off the blanket if he was hot. Yeah take off the blanket. There was no blanket on Lance...the blanket smelled like Keith probably leaving just like Keith. Keith? Where’s Keith? How long? The silence…... The silence was deafening to Lance now and then one side pulled. PULLED. He messed up screwed UP! Keith! Where? GONE!? TOO QUIET! SILENCE! KEITH! No...this… is good? But now Lance is alone. No... Keith was still there. Keith talked to him recently...Right? Right!? How much time had passed? Lance couldn't understand what was going on in his head. He couldn't understand! He didn't understand! Lance knew he was an awful friend, awful friend… dare he say awful boyfriend... and he was so horribly ugly. He was ruining Keith. Keith was beautiful, perfect, so amazingly wonderful. Lance needed to make paint himself a new hue because as of now lance didn't even deserve to show himself to Keith. Make himself pretty for Keith. Yeah! Pretty! Paint. Paint was pretty. Anything Keith loved was pretty. Anything that was Keith and is Keith is pretty. PRETTY! Yes, Lance wanted to be pretty too! Keith's favorite color was red...Keith loved red! RED! The only thing that'd make LANCE pretty! Yes pretty red. He just needed a brush Keith had plenty of brushes and Lance had so so much red. Silver brushes that Keith left… Lance should call and tell Keith he left his “brushes” behind. Keith never left anywhere without them. At least anywhere too long. It didn't matter now though, Lance needed the one Keith always used. That was always in good condition. Made the prettiest strokes. Made such pretty patterns. So pretty... Lance had the perfect canvas too. The red flowed and swirled so prettily around Lance. Lance was fixing what was wrong after all. Tip to canvas he began the swirls! Thinking about when he should call Keith. Then it clicked! No! Lance wasn't supposed to call Keith! He shouldn't talk to Keith… Lance needed Keith to love him. The red swirling and dripping already wasn't enough. Lance needed more on for Keith. Needed more of the only pretty thing Lance had. For Keith's love he needed more. More! So he made more, and more. The pretty red was everywhere! Keith! Keith would see all the red waiting for him when he gets the urge to see Lance. Love Lance the way Lance loves him. Lance wanted to keep making the strokes. Stroke up and down because that gave to most red. But Lance...Lance was too tired to keep using the silver brush to make red strokes on his ugly canvas. Too tired to keep covering the tainted brown in the only pretty thing he'll ever have for Keith. He put Keith's brush down thinking about how much more Keith would love him. But...Lance already knew as the red faded at the edges that Keith and his shaggy ass mullet could never love Lance the way he loved Keith. Lance was tired. So tired. So very very tired. Maybe when Lance woke up again, he would find, Keith's beautiful face staring down at him with adoration. Would feel the same way he did. Yeah...he could already hear Keith in the distance. Lance! Lance! Come on...please! Yeah...already there waiting for me. He hopes Keith would find him beautiful when he got there, and with one final tug the rope was cut and he let go.


	2. Unreliable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much it I can't think of anything else to add to the story if someone can find some way to do it I'll attempt it but this is pretty much it. I told yall this would take forever sorry bout that.

He remembers the day he looked into Lance's gorgeous eyes. The way they hypnotically pulled him into his everlasting vastness. Yes...that was the day he fell head over heels into those pools of blue. He watched Lance and his flirty attitude take the hearts of many. He remembers hearing everyone talking and making jokes about Lance's latest conquest that made him so infuriatingly jealous. His growing need for Lance's cool blue eyes to stay on him made him act in ways he never thought he could. They became rivals the day he pretended he didn't know Lance in hope's he would spend time trying to get him to remember. They fought when he couldn't let things go, his jealousy talking, they bickered and he thought he knew where to draw the line. He could see the way Lance's eyes seem to be stuck in their own haze sometimes lost in the field of fog he seemed to stumble into. Like his subconscious was drowned in the ocean of blue residing behind his eyes. But those moments, in the time he came to know Lance, were far and few inbetween as he came back to himself almost instantly. He'd grown closer to Lance and after months of letting his heart reside only in the cuspass of Lance’s warmth, he finally gave in to his desires. He gave in so wholeheartedly he might have given too much of himself to Lance that day, but that didn't matter. The day he told Lance he was in love with him was galaxy shattering.. He saw the way Lance's eyes lit up and it was magical. The way Lance had smiled so brightly it might as well have blinded him, and it would be an understatement to say he was just happy.  
He didn't know how to interact with Lance at first. Where he needed to draw the line for him and Lance at the start. He knows he was overly cautious in the beginning in attempts make sure Lance had his space. Tried to stay out of Lance's bubble and to watch how closely he leaned in. How much would make Lance feel uncomfortable. How much was enough. He didn't want to lose Lance over something as simple as being too clingy. He was paranoid. He knew that's how a lot of relationships crash and burned. To much and Lance would grow bored of him. To much and Lance would fill his heart with someone who wasn't him. He finally let himself go after a months and months of controlling himself. While they were holding hands during a particularly scary jumpscare for the first time ever he leaned his head on Lance's shoulder. It was a like a damn broke and they couldn't stop holding hands and it didn't take long before the kisses started. In retrospect he was being too careful then to and much too late. Always to careful. So selfishly careful. If he could go back he would have told himself that Lance loved it when he was clingy long before they went down the path they did.  
He remembers the day Lance told him he loved him. He wanted to be the one to say I love you first. Lance was always the one to do something first in their relationship.. Grab his hand first. Give him a hug first! Text him I miss you first! Ask to go on dates first. He felt guilty that Lance was always trying so hard and he knew that Lance deserved a first. Received something from him first. Yet here he was and he couldn't even do this first. He felt so horribly guilty and lost he didn't even notice he didn't say it back till Lance told it was okay. That he didn't have to say back right away. He was horrible. He wanted so much from Lance. He was so selfish only taking from him. He wanted so much and took so much and it only made Lance suffer. Just like he wanted their kisses to stay special and sweet so he made sure his face was clean or he at least took a mint beforehand. He knew he was going overboard when he would dodge Lance's kisses unless he was sure he was clean enough. He couldn't help himself. It was like he didn't have a choice and his heart would race uncomfortably in his chest and wouldn't stop until he sure that Lance wouldn't taste his breakfast on his breath. It was always ALWAYS what he wanted and it was fault Lance wasn't happy.  
Around this time he saw the other part of Lance he didn't know was there. This part of Lance was sad and always disconnected from the Lance he had grown to love. This Lance hesitated before doing anything. Always second guessed what he did. When this Lance reached out to take his hand, and he didn't notice right away, this Lance would always drop his hand away. This Lance cried and didn't tell him cheesy pickup lines. He didn't know Lance was capable of being anything but bubbly. This Lance made him even more unsure of what to do around him. Bubbly Lance would've told him, once they hit the comfortable part in their relationship, when he was tired and wasn't in the mood. When he was sad or scared about something Lance like. But the other Lance...the other Lance never said no. It was like this Lance didn't know how to act around him and only tried to please him... This Lance, he had to be careful around. This Lance would never tell him what he wanted. He was so scared when he saw this Lance lay in bed for the first time without moving for days. He tried everything to get Lance to come back to him during those times. Everything only made Lance fall further into himself. 

“I love you Lance.” Would make Lance just smile with a dark and empty look in his eyes.

“Lance you're beautiful.” His beautiful blue eyes would stare at him with disbelief anytime he heard him utter a word that involved Lance being the most ethereal being he's ever seen.

“Please talk to me I need to hear your voice!” He doesn't understand why Lance was this way. He was going crazy at the way Lance would suddenly flip between himself. 

After several days of Lance trapping himself in his room he'd suddenly come out and would never remember what happened while he was in there. He couldn't take it. WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO! He was a useless horrible boyfriend. He obviously wasn't trying enough. Wasn't working to take care of Lance the same way Lance did him. He was trying so hard to make it up to Lance. He was there so often he ended up just unofficially moving just to be there with Lance. To stay with Lance. What could he do. He loves him so much and all he can do is fuck this up. He didn't know what he was doing wrong anymore. Lance wasn't talking to him anymore. Wasn't reaching out to hold his hand. Calling him while he was away to tell him that he missed him. What movie he wanted to see when he came home from his mission. Nothing…  
He saw more and more of the other Lance, and Lance was losing himself more and more everyday! He came back to their room one day after Lance had a particularly harsh episode and found him talking to himself. He was huddled in the corner pulling at his hair and squeezing his arms as he cried. He ran and wrapped his arms around him and squeezed Lance as hard as could. How does he bring Lance back. How does show Lance he was there. What does he need to do. Everything was his fault. All he did was push him away to make everything PERFECT! He never gave Lance what he deserved.  
So much better! Lance deserved so much more. So much much more than what he can give him. Why did he do this in the first place!? He fucked it up! He fucked this up so much. He ruined everything! He ruined Lance. It's all his fault...ALL HIS FAULT! What can he do! How does he even begin to fix this!? He loves Lance so much and all managed to do was ruin him.  
Time had passed slowly for him day after day. Pretending what happened during the time other Lance was there never happened. While remembering every detail from that time until it happened again He never left home except for missions and to get Lance's favorite foods. Not that Lance would during the other Lance's reign. But he was desperate and there was no one who could help Lance. Lance was like a seesaw. Weeks of being locked inside his own head then would suddenly act like nothing happened and he would ask him for hugs and kisses all over again, and then… and then hours later Lance would be stuck in his own head again. Apologizing for things that never happened. Constantly telling him that he should leave. But he never could. Both of them residing on a steep cliff tied to each other with nowhere to go and no else but themselves. The rope tied to him and Lance was so intricate and crazy you couldn't tell who was leading who. Who held who. Who kept who up. But he was sure that if he cut it he would fall just as far as Lance would. His selfish desires and urge to hold on to Lance was what ruined what they could've had. To have been perfect for Lance. Perfect relationship. Perfect as love itself! If could he go back he woulda burned the rope long before they were tied to each other. Hung himself from the rope long before he met Lance because he knew he couldn't resist the temptation to do this all over again. He deserved to suffer tenfold the amount Lance did. He's the one that killed all life that resided in Lance's ocean!

And in his selfish turmoil he left to go cool his head because Lance didn't deserve any snappy comment that could leave his mouth while he was like this. That was his last and gravest mistake. He left Lance all alone! How could he be so stupid! What was wrong with him!? He needed to cool off. So he left. He should've just controlled himself in the first place. Have enough self control to not worry about making Lance anything but happy. He was so FUCKING selfish! He deserved to dead! He should've just stayed till Lance was asleep. He should never have left. He used up every right to think about himself! He should've stayed! He's trash! Horrible. Horrible! HORRIBLE!  
The image of Lance that night would've been forever burned into his mind. RED! SO MUCH MUCH RED! Everywhere! Splattered on the walls! Their bed! Worst of all splattered all over his precious Lance encompassing every inch of his smooth worn out and tired skin hiding the beneath the UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY RED! Covering Lance's once beautiful brown skin. Lance laying down with his hand outstretched to the door he just rushed into. Reaching out as if he'd been waiting for Keith to take his hand. For Keith to finally touch him like he was supposed TO. FOR HIS SELFISH AND GOOD FOR NOTHING BOYFRIEND KEITH TO FINALLY STOP WORTHLESS SON OF A BITCH!  
Keith reached forward and grabbed Lance's outstretched hand uncaring of the possible dirt on his hand. UNCARING of the blood smearing his own DISGUSTING skin. 

Keith wrapped his free arm around Lance and pulled him close. Uncaring of the sweat soaking his shirt. Uncaring of any possible reason he had said no to Lance in the past, and begged. 

 

Lance! Lance! Come on...please! I can't lose you! Come on just hold on!

His voice cracking as he hyperventilated. Hands shaking as he screamed for anyone to come running! Lips wobbling while cupping Lance's face after he had let go of Lance's hand. Kissing his lips in unabandoned fever. Begging Lance to hold on till someone noticed! Bargaining with Lance to do anything but leave him alone! Promising to kiss him more. Tell him I love you more! Just begging to a lifeless Lance to stay. Ignoring the soft smile that formed on his soft lips when Keith came running to him. The smile that had long since faded as Lance's body sagged in his arms. Keith crying as he realized Lance was long gone. Sitting there long after the pool of red stopped growing. Staring into emptiness looking for the blue in his mind's eye he so dearly loved. Then everything clicked in his head, he knew what he needed to do, for Lance's retribution. . Before gently kissing Lance's forehead and laying him on the bed. Keith dazedly walking away from Lance back to the front door. Where he left the tools that Lance used to paint himself and the room RED. Grabbing the dullest one before returning to where his precious Lance lay peacefully. Climbing in next to him and wrapping his arms over Lance's body. Shoving dull silver into his arms as hard as he could. Feeling the pain fueling the adrenaline quickly rushing through his body. Using the extra force to shove it down into his arms and tearing his flesh haphazardly. As hard and as many times as he could till he couldn't go any deeper into his nor the strength to continue and tossed it away. He pulled Lance’s cooling body in as close as he could before he felt the darkness pulling at the edges, slowly shearing the rope that binds Lance to his hopeless and useless boyfriend. He hopes he’ll get to go where Lance is despite how undeserving he may be. Eyes closing as his body relaxed into the bed brushing his darling Lance's cold cheek one last time before his hand fell to his side and he felt himself fall. The rope pulling tight as he swung back and forth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome to theorize why Keith didnt name or refer to himself as Keith till the end of the story. I already have a reason I did it, and why he did it, but I wanna know what yall think the reason was.


End file.
